• Faith,  Pregnancy,  Uncategorized

    Hope in Hannah’s Infertility

    This post first appeared on True Woman, a blog of Revive Our Hearts. You can find the original post here: True Hope in Hannah’s Infertility The first time I studied the story of Hannah, I was an undergraduate student at Moody Bible Institute taking a class titled, “Biblical Theology of 1 Samuel.” In the last four and a half years of walking through infertility, I’ve seen more and more how this class transformed my faith. The Lord has often reminded me of the story of Hannah, Samuel’s mother, as a source of hope and encouragement in the deepest times of despair. A Dark Time We first find mention of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. The…

  • Faith,  Pregnancy

    Unexpected Grief

    The Call I was surprised at the tone in my voice when I answered the doctors office calling to explain the test results weren’t what we had hoped. Chipper and hopeful, I pressed on as the nurse explained the doctor wanted to up the dosage of medication for the next cycle to see if my body would finally respond. I asked a couple of questions and hung up, still hopeful. A plan—I was grateful, am grateful, for a plan. It is something to expect and anticipate. With music on in the living room and freshly scrubbed roasting pans, I walked to the laundry room to check the next load. Unexpectedly,…

  • Faith,  Writing

    Lessons from the Waiting Room of Infertility

    This post was originally published on TrueWoman.com and you can find it here: Lessons from the Waiting Room of Infertility My husband and I have been trying to have children for the last four years. While the experience of infertility has taken us both on a journey neither of us wanted to travel, the experience continues to teach and refine our faith. Through these last four years, I have learned several valuable lessons in my walk with the Lord. Five Encouragements for ThoseStruggling with Infertility 1. Seek out community. Early on in our time of trying to have children, neither of us opened up to our local church community about…

  • Faith,  Gardening

    Compost Pile

    “Is it working?” I am usually asked when I talk about our compost pile. Today, I walked down with scraps of potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, cantaloupe, and beets and plopped them onto the side of the pile. Each time I pause and look at it, really study the pile and think about the numerous trips I’ve taken to it, ritualistically placing my offering to the altar of decomposition, I am amazed that it is working. With work gloves on my hands and a pitchfork firmly grasped, I began the good work of turning the pile. We don’t have an elaborate compost system yet—it’s just a pile of stuff on the ground…

  • Faith

    I shall not want

    One of the most famous passages in scripture is found in Psalm 23, a psalm I’ve been mulling over the last couple of years. These six simple verses are loaded with rich hope and truth for those who call on the Lord. But to be honest, these verses haven’t always been a source of hope for me. More often than not, I have left the passage frustrated and confused.

  • Faith

    Waiting Well

    The arrival of Christmas marks the end of the Advent season: the season which reminds the Christian that just as people waited for the Messiah to appear, we are still waiting for our Messiah to return. Waiting isn’t easy. When results don’t happen in a timely manner, exposed self-righteousness results in toddler-tantrums declaring life isn’t fair. But to simply complain or “stick it out” during the waiting misses the point. Waiting provides an uncomfortable space to contemplate the true reason for the waiting. My story of infertility isn’t only a story of waiting for a child to come. God is using the experience to shape me into what He desires.…

  • Faith

    brokenness over bitterness

    I decided to start writing again in order to help myself process our struggle with infertility. Early on, it wasn’t so much a decision as a compulsion as I noticed that when I faced difficult times I found myself turning to a pen or my phone’s notes in order to write my thoughts down. The results were usually disjointed fragments of my inner turmoil, but the act provided a space where I tried to make sense of it all. I’ve since found that the instinctual writing has become a way for me to process the fog. I love processing through writing, but the processing doesn’t stop after I put down…

  • Faith,  Uncategorized

    Rain

    I recently returned home to Nebraska after a few weeks away for a singing gig and the weather greeted me with rain. Lots and lots of rain. My drive back mainly consisted of farmland and I think that’s why when it rained for so long, I thought of Matthew 5:45, where Jesus says: …For He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. (ESV) Sometimes, there is a lie that creeps into my mind and I don’t realize it influences my thoughts until I speak it out loud. This happened recently when I was talking with a…