Since moving to Nebraska, I’ve tried piecing together how my background in music, my experience with infertility, and my life of faith could possibly be intertwined for redemptive value.

As I’ve touched on before, when my mind has felt overwhelmed with anxiety surrounding infertility, when I’ve had hope feel completely shattered, or when I’m trying to understand the rhythmic changes of life, I turn to writing.

What I haven’t mentioned before is that my confidence in writing is very low and has been since growing up. I remember taking a class in high school where I had to write a paper on a narrative or descriptive essay. Although I don’t remember the type of essay, I do remember my excitement for the idea I had behind the assignment, and the disappointment I felt when my teacher had me switch topics because mine was unoriginal.

Through typing these short blogs and publishing some of them, I’ve often feared that these words will also prove unoriginal and powerless. Yet still, I write, because I know that writing helps me process. I write and attempt to grasp the meaning behind this struggle through infertility.

Last year, my dear friend from college, Lana Norris, contacted me about a project she had in mind. She pitched the idea of using my writing on infertility to set them to original music by a composer she knows, Denise Mei Yan Hofmann. I was immediately drawn to the idea as an outlet to combine my writings with my background in music and was equally terrified to have my writings, some of which I hadn’t yet shared with people, out in the open for all eyes to critique.

Throughout the months, I’ve been immensely grateful that Lana has found redemptive beauty and inspiration in the words I’ve typed, written, and doubted. I’ve equally been grateful for the care Denise has taken with them in setting them to music. Both Lana and Denise took seemingly disjointed thoughts and wove them together into a beautiful representation of the last few years.

The piece is composed for piano, voice, and clarinet (played by Artemis Cheung). 

The illustrations throughout the post beautifully capture the words in picture by Sam Wedelich.

If you’re in NYC on May 20, I’d love to see you and share this with you.