• Faith,  Pregnancy,  Uncategorized

    Hope in Hannah’s Infertility

    This post first appeared on True Woman, a blog of Revive Our Hearts. You can find the original post here: True Hope in Hannah’s Infertility The first time I studied the story of Hannah, I was an undergraduate student at Moody Bible Institute taking a class titled, “Biblical Theology of 1 Samuel.” In the last four and a half years of walking through infertility, I’ve seen more and more how this class transformed my faith. The Lord has often reminded me of the story of Hannah, Samuel’s mother, as a source of hope and encouragement in the deepest times of despair. A Dark Time We first find mention of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. The…

  • Faith,  Pregnancy

    Unexpected Grief

    The Call I was surprised at the tone in my voice when I answered the doctors office calling to explain the test results weren’t what we had hoped. Chipper and hopeful, I pressed on as the nurse explained the doctor wanted to up the dosage of medication for the next cycle to see if my body would finally respond. I asked a couple of questions and hung up, still hopeful. A plan—I was grateful, am grateful, for a plan. It is something to expect and anticipate. With music on in the living room and freshly scrubbed roasting pans, I walked to the laundry room to check the next load. Unexpectedly,…

  • Faith,  Writing

    Lessons from the Waiting Room of Infertility

    This post was originally published on TrueWoman.com and you can find it here: Lessons from the Waiting Room of Infertility My husband and I have been trying to have children for the last four years. While the experience of infertility has taken us both on a journey neither of us wanted to travel, the experience continues to teach and refine our faith. Through these last four years, I have learned several valuable lessons in my walk with the Lord. Five Encouragements for ThoseStruggling with Infertility 1. Seek out community. Early on in our time of trying to have children, neither of us opened up to our local church community about…

  • Faith,  Gardening

    Compost Pile

    “Is it working?” I am usually asked when I talk about our compost pile. Today, I walked down with scraps of potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, cantaloupe, and beets and plopped them onto the side of the pile. Each time I pause and look at it, really study the pile and think about the numerous trips I’ve taken to it, ritualistically placing my offering to the altar of decomposition, I am amazed that it is working. With work gloves on my hands and a pitchfork firmly grasped, I began the good work of turning the pile. We don’t have an elaborate compost system yet—it’s just a pile of stuff on the ground…

  • Faith,  Writing

    How’d it go?

    Just yesterday I had someone ask me how the trip to New York went and it took me off guard. When we returned from New York, I got really sick. It was the kind of sick where I didn’t want to move or eat or drink. My mind was consumed with getting better and back to work, but I was left sitting on the couch watching the Great British Baking Show for longer than I know or would like to admit. So when I was asked how New York was, I realized I haven’t really spoken of it that much since we returned. There has been the occasional, “yeah, it…

  • Faith,  Writing

    This Mother’s Day

    I’ve had mixed feelings about Mother’s Day, and I’ve definitely had mixed feelings about writing about Mother’s Day.  So, I guess this post is four Mother’s Days in waiting and I’m left asking, “do I really have anything to add?” I remember an undergraduate professor reposting a poem she stumbled across while struggling through growing her family. It was one of the first times I read another’s words about infertility and could relate so deeply. By this time, I had written brief thoughts down on my frustrations with not yet having a child. Some were scratched out on paper, others were typed into my phone. But they all had a…

  • Faith,  Writing

    Songs I Sing in Waiting

    Since moving to Nebraska, I’ve tried piecing together how my background in music, my experience with infertility, and my life of faith could possibly be intertwined for redemptive value. As I’ve touched on before, when my mind has felt overwhelmed with anxiety surrounding infertility, when I’ve had hope feel completely shattered, or when I’m trying to understand the rhythmic changes of life, I turn to writing. What I haven’t mentioned before is that my confidence in writing is very low and has been since growing up. I remember taking a class in high school where I had to write a paper on a narrative or descriptive essay. Although I don’t…

  • Faith,  Writing

    Dreams

    It’s important to look forward with hopeful anticipation while remaining faithful with what has been given now. Since moving to Nebraska, I’ve had several moments of wondering “why?” I tell the story of our move to friends because there have been moments where it is clear we are supposed to be here right now. And in difficult times, we’ve had to look back on those gifts of moments to remind ourselves that it is clear we are supposed to be here right now. But there have also been moments I’ve wondered why we’re here. Early on, I struggled with the idea of what I could do with my music and…