• Pregnancy

    Pregnancy

    The voice of doubtand feardoesn’t leave with the arrival ofthe awaitedBut morphs into a new costume,with the same actorplaying the same role–Disguised as a different tongue,Casting doubt where there is truthand fear where there is joy,Stealing both–replacing with liesBut why?Steps forward,memories to comeA pull at my leg gives pause–I wait for the fate that isn’t promised,But was whispered the same,What if the joy comes and then more pain,Can I allow myself to feeland not be let down again, What is the truth I can cling to–Statistics or numbers or experiences, Or maybe a retelling of the storyI need to hear once moreOf the good and stable and reliable,Of the wealth…

  • Uncategorized

    Helping

    I get it, where do you even begin with helping? Yesterday, I posted three facts on infertility during this infertility awareness week and today I want to share a few things you can do to be of help to someone who is dealing with infertility. These are things I’ve learned as I’ve walked through infertility and as I’ve walked with others. Listen One of the best things you can do for a person is listen to them. Realize that it takes a lot of courage to open up to someone about infertility as there is a lot of false guilt surrounding the journey of infertility. When I say listen, I…

  • Pregnancy,  Writing

    Crying in the Bathroom

    I originally wrote this a year ago, recounting an experience I had the year previous. It was brought to mind today as I thought through the grief surrounding infertility and how it strikes at different times and in different ways. I’ve since added to the original post. With all things, I hope this is encouraging.  I know my pain is grief, I grieve the loss of what I expected, And accept that I’m not on the trajectory of what is accepted and supposed to be Some days are painful, Reminders, Laughter turns to tears, Other days are painless, Reminders, Laughter turns to tears, And I’m left sitting in the present…

  • Faith,  Pregnancy,  Uncategorized

    Hope in Hannah’s Infertility

    This post first appeared on True Woman, a blog of Revive Our Hearts. You can find the original post here: True Hope in Hannah’s Infertility The first time I studied the story of Hannah, I was an undergraduate student at Moody Bible Institute taking a class titled, “Biblical Theology of 1 Samuel.” In the last four and a half years of walking through infertility, I’ve seen more and more how this class transformed my faith. The Lord has often reminded me of the story of Hannah, Samuel’s mother, as a source of hope and encouragement in the deepest times of despair. A Dark Time We first find mention of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. The…

  • Uncategorized

    Moldy Jam and Our Call to Hospitality

    This post was originally published on the True Woman Blog for Revive Our Hearts. You can find the original post here. After the guests left, I started putting dishes away, packing up leftovers, and finding lids for jam and jelly jars. As I found the appropriate lid for the strawberry jam, I looked inside to see a white substance along with the red. Immediately, I thought that butter had somehow entered the glass jar. But then it hit me: I served moldy jam. Moldy jam. I felt my cheeks warm and my heart race from embarrassment. Questions flooded my mind: Did they see? How could they not? What were they thinking?…

  • Faith,  Pregnancy

    Unexpected Grief

    The Call I was surprised at the tone in my voice when I answered the doctors office calling to explain the test results weren’t what we had hoped. Chipper and hopeful, I pressed on as the nurse explained the doctor wanted to up the dosage of medication for the next cycle to see if my body would finally respond. I asked a couple of questions and hung up, still hopeful. A plan—I was grateful, am grateful, for a plan. It is something to expect and anticipate. With music on in the living room and freshly scrubbed roasting pans, I walked to the laundry room to check the next load. Unexpectedly,…

  • Faith,  Writing

    Lessons from the Waiting Room of Infertility

    This post was originally published on TrueWoman.com and you can find it here: Lessons from the Waiting Room of Infertility My husband and I have been trying to have children for the last four years. While the experience of infertility has taken us both on a journey neither of us wanted to travel, the experience continues to teach and refine our faith. Through these last four years, I have learned several valuable lessons in my walk with the Lord. Five Encouragements for ThoseStruggling with Infertility 1. Seek out community. Early on in our time of trying to have children, neither of us opened up to our local church community about…

  • Faith,  Gardening

    Compost Pile

    “Is it working?” I am usually asked when I talk about our compost pile. Today, I walked down with scraps of potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, cantaloupe, and beets and plopped them onto the side of the pile. Each time I pause and look at it, really study the pile and think about the numerous trips I’ve taken to it, ritualistically placing my offering to the altar of decomposition, I am amazed that it is working. With work gloves on my hands and a pitchfork firmly grasped, I began the good work of turning the pile. We don’t have an elaborate compost system yet—it’s just a pile of stuff on the ground…